Financial Education

Budgeting: A marriage's dirty word

In good times and in bad, for richer or for poorer. You promised to love your spouse no matter what. Sometimes that "what" turns out to be your spouse's chronic mismanagement of money. On a military salary, financial missteps can add up to big problems down the road.

Couples say that the thing they argue about most in marriage is money. According to "Making Marriages Last" published by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the number two cause of divorce is financial problems. In addition, only four out of five couples say they use a family budgeting method.

"Just mentioning the word 'budget' to my husband and he feels like I'm trying to restrict him from buying what he wants," says a sergeant first class from Ft. Hood.

Why has budgeting gotten such a bad rap? According to psychologist, Dr. Bradley Allen, "Budgeting implies that you have to set limits, compromise. In our society of wanting something and wanting it now, a budget limits our ability to achieve our desires." What couples don't realize is that by budgeting, they can focus on buying "bigger picture" items. It's a plan for spending, not a way of painstakingly tracking each penny earned.

The first step to starting a budget is to find out how you would like to split your earnings. In Caroline Bird's book, The Two-Paycheck Marriage, she outlines three models that describe most marriages and the advantages and disadvantages of each.

Equal-Share Couples.
These couples put an equal amount of their respective salaries into joint checking or savings accounts to pay for joint living expenses. The money each spouse has left over is spent at his or her discretion.

Advantage: Each spouse contributes to daily expenses and each has money to call his or her own.

Disadvantage: If one spouse earns much more than the other, the other spouse may feel resentment for having to provide equal funds.

Proportional-Share Couples.
Each spouse contributes a percentage of his or her salary for joint living expenses. The remainder is for each to do what he or she pleases.

Advantage: Both contribute and both retain their own funds.

Disadvantage: Difference in amount paid could cause resentment.

Pooler Couples.
These individuals combine all their income for joint and personal expenses. Money is then held in either joint or separate accounts.

Advantage: The work is valued equally, regardless of the salary earned.

Disadvantage: Sometimes the spouse with the lesser income may not feel he or she has as much say in how the joint income is spent. Spouses may feel like they need to discuss all purchases with one another, regardless the size.

Now that you have decided how to divide up the joint and personal money, think about how you would like to go about making sure you stick to a specific budget system.

In "Money Flow Systems for One- and Two-Earner Families" by Wanda S. Mowry, five different kinds of budgeting systems are outlined. The trick is to find one that works with you and your spouse. This could take a few months to discover, so don't get discouraged if the first one you try doesn't work.

Cash Box System. Cash is kept in a jar, moneybox, or envelopes. Amounts are designated for various bills and are paid in cash. What is left at the end of the month is put into savings.

Combination System. Each earner contributes to an "our" fund but maintains his or her own money for personal spending. The "our" fund is used for joint living expenses.

Paycheck System. One spouse handles all the income and pays all the bills. The other receives money that can be used for personal spending.

Pool System. The incomes are pooled and bills are paid in an informal partnership.

Separate System. Each spouse has his or her own money and is responsible for certain bills.

If you are the primary bill payer, make sure your spouse understands what needs to be paid monthly. Consider rotating who pays the bills on an every month or six-month basis. It's important that both spouses understand what needs to be paid and when in case of an emergency. You may also want to include older children into your bill-paying cycle. By educating them on what products and services cost, they will have a better understanding of how to budget their own money later on.

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